Final Fantasy VII: Advent Children - 2005 - PG-13

I saw a preview for this film, and when I saw the title, I thought they were putting me on and advertising a video game. It looked pretty neat from the trailer, and upon discovering it was a movie, I had to see it.

The best part of this film is the animation. It's CG like Pixar and Dreamworks are famous for, but this animation kicks both of those studios' butts when it comes to the CG work. It is absolutely incredible. Realism is beyond compare for computer animation. It's one of those that you must see to believe.

This medium, of course, allowed for some amazing action sequences. The opening motorcycle chase was just incredible. There was also a one on one melee in a gutted church that was rather good as well. Lots of great shots that were nothing short of picturesque while some high speed this and that went on in front of it. Just a feast for the eyes.

This is, however, where the good part ends.

This thing is based on a video game, and I can only guess it translated well. There was a ton of exposition running non-stop from one end to the other to make sure the audience had a clue as to what was going on. This means that the character development was almost completely sacrificed. They tried to squeeze too much into their running time, so elements of the plot seemed odd or out of place at several moments.

Then, comes the friends of the main character. Who the heck are these guys? We go from ex-soldier guy with skill to these superheroes with no introduction. They come into the story completely out of no where like a deux ex machina finish to a large monster (who also came out of no where) in the middle of the film.

Then, it turns out the main villain is someone who does not exist until certain requirements are fulfilled. It was a neat final battle, but the final resolution escaped me.

I can see fans of the game throughly enjoying and understanding this film, but this is another that for me, who watches the movie and expects to understand, I got lost in the overwhelming plot laid out here.

Corpse Bride -- 2005 -- PG

Whoa, now this was wild. A perfect romantic musical comedy set against a horrific, gloomy backdrop. Probably the only cross-genre horror-romance I've ever seen. The only trouble you run into was when it's over, how do you feel? Were you scared? Did you laugh? Did you get that warm, fuzzy romantic comedy date movie feeling? Are you as confused as I am?

The cross-genre thing aside, this was a really great film. It played up all the classic "dead" conventions of body parts falling off and such, while simultaneously constructing a great romantic storyline with one of the best conflicts (live guy marries dead girl). It ran through the film wonderfully creating awkward situations and a wonderful climax.

The characters worked well for me, the pacing and transitions show that Tim Burton is a skilled director, and the Danny Elfman music and songs, while definitely sounding out of character for the traditionally dark Elfman, are quite good. 

The only downfall is the musical sequences primarily serve to lengthen the dreadfully short 77 minute run time. I can't help but wonder why it was so short. Granted it moved really fast, but I kind of felt a little cheated when it ended so quickly. We could have tried to spend a little more time getting to know these characters, and it would have only benefited the film as a whole.

If you can wrap your mind around the bizarre genre cross in this one, it's definitely worth watching.

Madagascar -- 2005 -- PG

This was a cute little film that followed 4 animals as they are taken from their cushy zoo life to the jungle. The plot follows their life in the zoo, and then adapting to the jungle, and then overcoming a minor conflict between old friends who fall into different places on the food chain...oops.

This movie is not one to be taken seriously. The plot seems to primarily serve as a rail upon whcih gag after gag can be delivered, and as with all gag movies: sometimes they're funny, and sometimes, the aren't. The scenery and situations are meant to be funny and never to be realistic in any way as many, many, many quite impossible things occur.

There are also a fair amount of movie homages, but one they should have left out was Planet of the Apes. Sorry to spoil the ending if you've never seen that one, but the homage was clear as day for Charleton Heston viewing the Statue of Liberty, but the lion in this says, "Darn you all to heck." I've watched it twice now, and that line still sounds downright idiotic in its "censored" form.

It works for laughs and comedy, but there's nothing terribly deep here. The kids should enjoy it for its physical humor and those penguins. There's not much here for the adults this time.

Barbie as The Princess and the Pauper -- 2004 - NR

Figured I've been subjected to this video about a hundred times, I might as well post something on it.

This is a musical film starring (yeah, you might have guessed already) Barbie blonde and Barbie brunette as Anneliese and Erika, the twins born to different sets of parents and who end up switching places. And that's where the similarities to the Mark Twain story end. Where the prince and the pauper switched places by choice, the princess and the pauper switched by circumstance and drama -- a better way, in my opinion.

The music was actually quite good, and I do find myself humming the tunes. The composer is obviously quite talented. The lyrics, on the other hand, are lacking a bit in the talent arena. The most glaring example or poor lyrics is the reference of "calico" to a male cat. The lyrics occasionally served to move the story, but on the whole, just were there to give the actors something to sing. One of the more popular songs (I say so, because I've been subjected to it through matching dolls -- girls are fun), "A Girl Like You," made little sense in the context of the plot, although parts of it worked to establish a little character.

As for the film, the plot, itself, was solid enough, but jam packed with contrivances. It is painfully clear that this movie was made for children since even the premise of the whole thing is contrived -- a kingdom is bankrupt because the mine ran out of gold. Let's think about this. This kingdom is positioned in the mountains and isolated. This means it should be economically self-sufficient, for the most part. Even if we consider that it trades with other kingdoms, trade is a two way street. If they are bankrupt, that means either poor management of assets or that the kingdom has nothing to offer for trade except gold. If that is all the kingdom has, though, it wouldn't be a kingdom. What we are supposed to accept from the very beginning to accept any portion of the story is that this kingdom's sole provider has been their gold mine as opposed to ANY exports, and rather than practicing good economics among their own people of this isolated kingdom in the mountains, the monarchy just bought stuff from other kingdoms and gave away all the kingdom's assets. Since the kingdom has clearly been in place long enough to build an ostentatious castle, this seem unlikely, but if the movie is to make any sense, we need to accept it.

Another contrivance was Preminger ordering that the princess be seized once he learned the truth. Let's be honest: can anyone other than the queen order that her daughter be seized. I mean, Preminger can suggest it, but if I were a guard and he said to seize the princess, I'd have some serious reservations.

The movie also implied that Preminger's gold was iron pyrite, but while this was interesting, it was never pursued. 

So, overall we have good music, shaky lyrics, good plot, but bad believability. I've been subjected to a few of these Barbie videos, and this was the start of a downhill slope for the films.

Dumbo -- 1941 -- G

This is a short little film from Disney's earlier days that would never get made today. Why? It contains a lot of smoking and one drunk elephant. But let's move past that into the film itself.

This is actually a really sweet tale about a baby elephant with big ears. He is rejected by his kind, loses his mother who tries to protect him, and is turned into the laughing stock of the circus. Dumbo is developed very thoroughly even though he never speaks a word, and you really feel for this little guy. He ironically befriends a mouse who becomes the equivalent of his voice from then on.

Bad things go to worse until he ends up drunk on champagne and we begin one of the trippiest sequences in film history: "Pink Elephants on Parade." Fantastic imagery here, but the rest of the film is simple and doesn't really need much else. It's short but complete.

Excellent offering from Disney before he sold out to make cute little animal cartoons later in his career.

Over the Hedge -- 2006 -- PG

Dreamworks' most recent venture into the CG animation world gives us the story of a bunch of animals who wake up to find they're in the sole remaining part of the forest in the midst of a massive residential development. The goal here, oddly, is not to find a way out of this predicament, but to gather food for the winter. This plot not being enough to carry the film, we have an outsider to the group who shows them the wonders of the development and how much food there is to be had. He, of course, has his own agenda of gathering food for a homicidal bear that he stole the food from the begin with, but after endearing himself to this group of animals, he predicatably has second thoughts.

The film follows a classic kid fare plot of a dozen cute and distinct characters who move along for awhile, get betrayed, and then live happily ever after. That being said, though, it does have a multitude of funny moments that bring on more than a few laughs. The story's engaging enough to keep you going to the end (not to see how it ends, but to see the antics it takes to get there), it moves along at a really good pace, and it really doesn't leave any loose ends. The little hyper chipmunk character steals the show quite often and is wonderfully setup for his part in the climax.

So, this ranks as another film that isn't bad at all. If you want a good little film that leaves you feeling good in the end, this one does its job very well.

The Incredibles -- 2004 -- PG

A family of superheroes tries to keep a low profile when another opportunity to save the world comes up forcing the parents back into action, and the children to use their powers productively for the first time.

This is an amusing tale of what happens when you try to be someone you're not. The father figure here tries to be "normal" but continually tries to find something that will allow him to be the hero he once was. This causes his wife to suspect any number of things especially when his contact is quite the sexy voice. One thing leads to another and while she finds no affair, she does find him mixed up in something bigger than both of them.

Pixar has become quite known for their solid Disney distributed films, and this one measures right up there with the others that have come before. Excellent plotting and character development along with a good amount of action for the short attention spanners give this movie something everyone can get into. Add to it the subplots and backstory, and this film comes highly recommended. This is not typical "cute" Disney fare. This is Pixar, and they have yet to not deliver a fine picture.

Star Wars: The Clone Wars: Volume 2 -- 2005

This is the video release of the second wave of shorts made by the cartoon network to bridge the gap between Episodes 2 & 3 of the movie series.

Now we're getting down to business picking up where we left off in volume 1. The stories are a bit longer and more involved, but it is to the benefit of the viewer that we're finally getting down to business in setting up where we begin the story in Episode 3.

The dialogue in this series is far better than that in the prequel trilogy probably because Lucas didn't write it. Instead, we concentrate on the visuals carrying the story forward, which is how it should be and the dialogue only picks up the pieces. Lots of Jedi moments where their true potential is shown such as Yoda causing ships to crash together in the air, and Mace Windu cheating death as he falls from his wounded ship and manages to commandeer a droid ship, using it like a high tech skateboard.

Anakin does get his scar in this volume as well as facing a trial which brings out more of the oncoming dark side within him. It was a very powerful moment in my opinion, appropriately in stark contrast to his normal self throughout most of the stories.

Overall, I felt this was an enjoyable series that took us from the beginning of the Clone Wars through a series of events that leaves us with the kidnapping of Chancellor Palpatine by Grievous and sets us up for Episode 3.

The Iron Giant -- 1999 -- PG

This was an easy going, kid flick kind of movie, though it has some violent points that point it towards the older child crowd. It follows a boy who discovers a large metal man in the forest and befriends it. From there, we get the cliche "government-wants-to-destroy-it" plot while the boy tries to protect it and discover where it came from and teach it how to communicate.

The weakest part of this story comes at the beginning with two back-to-back contrivances. If one accepts that this is a kid movie, then you can overlook these things since everything else works fairly well on a first viewing.

1) The kid sees something outside, and so he takes his BB gun, his helmet, and a flashlight to check it out. He walks into a dark forest in the middle of the night to find out what's there. Um, yeah...no. Kids don't walk into scary places at night. Besides, the way that flashlight was strapped to the BB gun, any shots he fired would have clocked him in the head.

2) He saves the robot by pulling down a large on/off switch on the side of a power plant. Ok, first, while powerplants might have an on/off switch, they would not be so accessible, and if they were, there would be a big lock on it to stop passers-by from just turning it off like that. That was almost harder to buy than the kid walking into the forest at night.

After these two hiccups, the movie flowed just fine. Kid hides metal-eating robot in scrapyard, makes friends with owner, government tries to destroy robot, robot fights back and saves day when government guy does something stupid. The end.

It's a cute little movie with a feel good ending once you get to it. This one has been called overlooked and underrated, and I tend to agree.

Spirited Away -- 2001 -- PG

Wow. That was impressive. While the animation looks like typical anime, the imagination behind the imagery was just incredible. And the plot never slowed down for a minute. Two hours just flew by and I barely noticed. That's some incredible pacing.

Our basic plot here is a girl and her family are moving and they are supposed to meet the movers at their new house. Well, they take a wrong turn, discovering this abandoned building that they decide is worth exploring. They end up in this ghost town where, for some reason, food is prepared. No one is around, and being hungry, they decide they'll just pay whenever whoever is supposed to be there shows up. The girl wants no part of this and wants to leave.

Night falls, and spirits come out. Her parents are turned into pigs by the woman who owns the bathhouse which is the centerpiece of the town. The bathhouse is for spirits, so her being human makes her stand out like a sore thumb.

She goes through a lot of adventures, meeting different people and befriending them all with the sole purpose of trying to save her parents and get home. One thing after another goes wrong, and she tries through the goodness of her heart to try and fix it the best she can, and though corny as the idea sounds, it works perfectly.

The girl is admirably developed as are most of the people she works with. The supporting characters are easily known and as we move through this journey with her, it's easy to relate to her emotions and feel the film as it rolls along.

So this is a very well written and executed story that has excellent pacing, great characters, and an easy to follow and accept plot in a fantastic world. The creatures depicted are just wild to watch and the film as a whole is a fun ride. Definitely a good watch.

Monster House -- 2006 -- PG

Finally...someone used animation for something a little beyond just a kids' movie. Granted, this film has children as the leads, and may have even been marketed to that crowd, but I deem it a bit too scary for my young crew. And don't balk at the PG rating; Jaws was rated PG...still is.

Basically, you have a guy living in a big ugly house. He is the grumpiest of the grumpy old men, and takes anything that lands on his lawn...but why. Well, we get an inkling of something when our main kid thinks he killed the guy. Before you know it, this house is alive. Not just groaning and being Amityville, but actually a living beast in the form of a house.

The film is loaded with humor the young adolescent crowd would get, and the scares are built more for that 'tween group as well, but I was engaged by the feature.

If I were to complain about something, I do have a couple. First, I want to ask: where is everybody? We have a small town that's generally quiet. And one night, a lot of stuff happens that ain't so quiet...and no one so much as looks out their window? It was really video game-ish in that respect that they did everything they did and the only people to take notice were the cops.

The other thing is the cliche babysitter. For one, can we get a babysitter that doesn't make rock look evil? She has a look, and everything she does revolves around that look. While this is normally a good thing, in this case, it just gives one section of the film a level of predictability that shames the rest. The creativity of the house and everything the trio goes through was just incredible, and we get the cliche babysitter as a setup.

What would I like to see? A self-obsessed genius who only cares about writing her big symphony. She brings in her own keyboard to write with and keeps telling him to keep it down while she works. That would be fun to watch. But no, we get rock girl who just wants to break all the parents' rule. Argh!

That part only factored into the first part of the film. Once we get into it, it's a lot of fun. Definitely worth checking out.

Cars -- 2006 -- G

So, another Pixar film, and I must say it does right what Pixar does right. Engaging but simple story. Interesting, funny, and unique characters. A fresh perspective using objects that don't normally carry on conversations. A feel good and very satisfying ending.

Cars does a lot of things very right. You open with a self-centered race car whose only interest is winning the coveted Piston Cup and be the first rookie to do it. We get his very clear cut flaw right from the outset and get a clear defined goal as well. He never loses sight of this goal throughout the potentially problematic second act, and this part of the movie flows as smoothly and perfectly as the first part.

Like any good protagonist, he second guesses his goal wondering whether he is working towards the right end, and from there, it plays out admirably.

I just enjoyed this film, and while it is very direct and simplistic in nature, I didn't have any major beefs with it. It was just a lot of fun to watch.

EDIT 1/5/07: And as an addition to my previous review, my girls just watched again (times five or six), and their comment is "Sheeoot!" said Mater style.

The Polar Express -- 2004 -- G

I watched this one again the other day, and just like when I saw it in the theatre the first time, it was amazing film. The story is very, very simple and a bit fantastical.

A boy who doesn't believe in Santa Claus is whicked away one night on a magical train that will take him and a group of other kids to the North Pole. Along the way, they run into a variety of misadventures involving a ticket, the train, and a weird hobo, but visually, it's all a pleasure to watch unfold.

Animation was a perfect choice of venue for this one since trying to do a live action movie with what's in here would have been beyond expensive, and the special effects might have been cool, but not as cool as this one looked. The characters looked really good for computer animation as well. It used a performance capture technique that was supposed to be very new and unused before. Well, it worked remarkably well.

Given that this is essentially an animated Christmas movie, we have our set of songs to make it a musical, but the songs were well-written as well. The main song of the film is entitled "Believe" and it is still being played on the radio around Christmas time. Heard it very recently as a matter of fact.

There was one little plot device that I found a little off, and that was the know-it-all kid...yeah, these characters don't actually have names. IMDB identifies the lead as "hero boy." But this know-it-all kid served as a bit of comic relief on the train, and then seemed to follow our main three at the North Pole as they got into a fix. The problem here is that these three went all over the place, and there's no way he could have followed them exactly. He ends up in the gift bag, and how he got in there is anyone's guess, but he apparently failed to actually follow them as the plot implied. To make it weirder, he serves no purpose for being there, so it's a device that really didn't matter. He could have been left out, and this hiccup totally avoided.

Finally, if one thinks back over their original journey, I can't help but wonder if they had any problems going back. After all, a good portion of the track was at the bottom of a lake at one point and this lake, which was iced over, busted clean through meaning that this train essentially drove under water for a bit. Sure, movie's over, but still...

It was a great flick to watch, and though rated G, it was thoroughly enjoyable as well. I'm sure it'll be a Christmas classic as the years roll on and rightly so, because they really did a good job on it.

A Scanner Darkley -- 2006 -- R

This was a seriously weird movie. To start with, the subject matter, based on material by Philip K. Dick (author of the stories that inspired Bladerunner, Total Recall, and Minority Report), is flat bizarre but at the same time, terribly interesting. There is a drug that causes one to have a split personality. Enter a cop who is investigating this major drug dealer. He is told to bug the guy's house, observe him, everything. Well, big thing is the dealer is him...the cop. It's his "other half," so to speak. But thanks to this drug, he doesn't know it, since his work persona is a different name from his drug persona.

Add to this weird story, the animation technique used here. Yes, it's an animated film, but only sort of. You see, they filmed the whole thing with live actors, and then used a method of animation to draw over the entire film making it animated out of the real actors. Weird. Yeah, but it looks really cool, and it's freakishness works great with the material.

Elements of the film's story work very, very well...when they're present. The central plot of the cop vs. himself are well done, and paced well. I like how that side of the film plays out right to the end when the focus is 100% on that storyline. It has a wonderfully ambiguous, yet perfect ending to it as well.

The down sides are nearly every single scene involving the "Bob" persona, which is the drug dealer, interacting with his friends. These scenes play off as almost completely pointless. Sure, the interactions are amusing, and the bike conversation is priceless, but it doesn't advance the plot. It barely gives them some character, but it grinds the movie to a standstill. Same can be said for almost every scene involving these guys. We grind to a halt to listen to their inane rambling for an insane amount of time. It really hurt the movie for me since this made up most of the first hour of the film. By the time it started getting good, I wasn't into it anymore.

The only other thing I am curious about is what happened to Bob's family. They were brought up at one point, but then it just says they were gone. I'm assuming she left with the kids. Did they really exist even? We don't know. His friends are amusing, but they're mostly flat with very little characterization beyond the rambling which barely expands their character. I almost commented on the plot, but most of the time, they didn't even serve that purpose.

So it's got an awesome premise. I love the idea behind it completely. Unfortunately, the execution falls flatter than a pancake with the incessant babbling of Bob and his drug buddies. There is some minor relationship built and even a little twist, but by then, you barely care because the druggies have taken away brain cells as you've been watching it. The writer said he was going for a close adaptation. He needed to remember that this is a movie, not a seminar.

Princess Mononoke -- 1997 -- PG-13

Don't let the name or animation fool you. This is a solid PG-13 film that the kids should no be watching. Way too much violence and graphic stuff, and I'm actually surprised how it missed R...probably because it is animated blood.

Anyway, this film follows a guy who is cursed by a demonic creature and he is forced to leave his village to discover where this thing came from and if the curse can be reversed. He ends up discovering two sides to a war of man vs. the spirits and creatures of the forest. This one has a slew of interesting and unique characters that get fair amounts of screen time each to give you an idea of who they are (or at least enough to wonder whose side they're on). Tons of battles that aren't just run of the mill. Some wild animation and larger than life situations that are tackled in remarkable ways by the animation medium.

Things turn from bad to worse, and our hero tries to keep both sides under control as he tries helping them equally without betraying either one. While some sides are introduced as evil, you start to wonder which side you should actually be cheering for.

It's a fascinating movie with a lot of depth and interest to it. It definitely deserves its place on IMDB's top 250.

Barnyard -- 2006 -- PG

CG animated kids' movies are becoming quite the standard and overruling the older cell animation style, and so we get Barnyard, another film in this computer character style. But hm...what is our most defining feature of Barnyard? Bulls with udders. Not only do they have udders, but in one scene, we find these are milkable udders. Are we disturbed yet? Let's move on in.

Imagine this: all those animals you see out there grazing in the fields and pecking corn are actually just as intelligent as you and me, but they keep it a secret and wait till everyone's gone before rising onto two legs and carrying on conversations in standard English. Barnyard's actual plot is that of a kid bull whose dad wants him to grow up and stop fooling around all the time, since someday, he'll be in charge (more than likely). When circumstances throw junior into the ring of leadership, he has to figure out what his dad did right and decide whether he has what it takes to defend the barnyard from the evil coyotes.

Ok, it's a kid movie, so it's got cuteness factors out the wazoo as well as a super simple plot. It builds up to a super emotional punch about 30 minutes in, but after that, the film can't quite build back to that level as dad and junior's relationship got the lion's share of the development to ensure that the punch hit right on. From that point, the last hour is some slapstick humor, some awkward teen angst moments, and of course, the heroic showdown where everyone is redeemed and vindicated (even though the point where our hero got the standard "terrible secret" got so glossed over, that it was never brought up again for him to be redeemed over).

The characters are 90% cliches: stoic and wisdom infused dad; irresponsible kid thrust into leadership he doesn't want; shy new girl who falls for kid; some random younger character who looks up to kid; slew of others who fill in the gaps of best friends or dumb cohorts. From these, we do get some highly amusing moments, though. I believe the comedic highlight was the "boy-tipping" sequence, which was probably the reason this movie was made to begin with, since it was the longest sequence, and clearly the most well-thought-out (if you accept that cows can drive cars). Another very funny sequence, and one that was probably conceived of when they figured out how to setup the movie so their "boy-tipping scene" would work, is where the farmer catches the animals partying and talking, so the mule kicks him.

Beyond a handful of these sequences to exploit their idea, the rest was kind of tiring and existed only to create a 90 minute movie with a character arc and resolution. It really feels like they wanted to do these silly Barnyard animal scenes, but needed a vehicle to do them in that wasn't a short.

There are better movies out there for the younger set like Pixar's offerings (pretty much all of them), so unless you love the boy-tipping sequence, this film has very little to offer that we haven't seen before.

Cinderella III: A Twist in Time -- 2007 -- G

I'm getting into a horrible trend here. The first film I saw from 2006 was also a Disney direct-to-video sequel of a classic film (Bambi II). I have children; what can I say? As for this one, I saw a trailer for it some time ago, and I will say that it's probably one of the cleverest Disney sequel concepts I've ever heard: the evil-stepmother gets ahold of the fairy godmother's wand and rewrites history so Cinderella loses? Now there's an idea! Too bad they screwed it up in execution.

The name of the game here is contrivance. To believe this plot, you have to accept that some of this stuff would actually happen. Even if you accept magic and talking mice as a property in this world, it still rings as largely unbelievable and contrived. To begin with, Cinderella's discarded step-family has to get the wand. How is this done? The fairy godmother is casting this and that in preparation and just tosses the wand off to one side. It lands in front of Anastasia who is watching them, and she runs off with it to mother. Apparently, while in most magic worlds, the wand is little more than a channel for the caster's natural ability, in this world, the fairy godmother has no power at all without the wand, which grants its caster unlimited power, allowing the step-mother to turn back time to when the arch-duke comes to call with the glass slipper.

From here, it only gets worse. Here's a short list. Cinderella's stepmother does interfere with the shoe session, shrinking Anastasia's foot into the shoe and intercepting Cinderella on the stairs, smashing hers. Her step-family travels by coach to the palace. Cinderella decides she'll sneak in and see the prince so he'll remember her. She walks to the palace and somehow beats her family there. She and the mice split up inside the palace to look for the prince...ok. The mice tell Cinderella about the magic and stepmother having the wand, but seem to have an intimate knowledge of what happened to fairy godmother, even though they could not have known this. When they go after the wand, the mice make a big mess in her step-family's room, and Cinderella decides to be the maid to clean it up. Sure, no one will recognize her even though she hasn't changed clothes from that morning. Of course, she was recognized, but now they have the wand and rather than take the wand, Cinderella allows the mice to carry it through the palace in this idiotic sequence where they use it on Lucifer. Why didn't she pick it up? Then she does this long chant where she tries to fix the prince, but somehow, she is interrupted even though the phrase "bibbiti bobbiti boo" is made to be quick. Yup, those are the "magic words."

If you can believe it, the contrivances continue to worsen as we keep going. The stepmother assures the prince she will handle Cinderella "personally," even though she has no authority in the palace whatsoever. In fact, timeline-wise, she's only been in the palace a few hours. Well, she orders the guard to banish Cinderella from the kingdom and put her on the next boat out of the country, never to return. Say what?! As important as she thinks she is, there is no way this pauper woman from the country can order someone to be banished...even if her daughter is set to marry the prince. She's also been the very vision of rudeness to these people, and I can't figure out why they would tolerate her. She bullies the guards, rejected the wedding preparations, and even bullies the arch-duke...and gets away with it! Anyway...

So far, I'm not really spoiling anything in my opinion given the overall predicatability here. Cinderella ends up on a boat with no visible crew sailing out of town when princey shows up after a song and dance of the mice (who, to increase the bad movie score, gives the line, "love the song"), produces a mystery dagger out of no where which also disappears into no where, slices his way down the boat sail Peter Pan style, and rescues Cinderella from her banishment. no one reacts to the prince doing this, since there is no crew visible anywhere on this boat. We saw them briefly open the sails and pull in the plank, but that was it. They're invisible, and likely now pissed because they have to turn around, let this guy and his woman off, and replace the sail.

Big twist! Ooooh! Aaaah!

Moving on, Stepmother still has the wand so she's able to continue wreaking havoc on our poor heroine by whisking her off to inside a pumpkin carriage driven by Lucifer and a random horse. This pumpkin carriage has vines with thorns that wrapped around this horse in one big piece...but for some reason, this carriage has a pin linking it to the horse. Huh? Why would a pumpkin and vine carriage have a pin linking the two sections together? I thought it was one piece. Why, to facilitate the plot, of course! Yadda-yadda, stuff happens, and Cinderella rushes off to stop the all-new inevitable sequel to the first almost wedding between prince (What is this guy's name? Anyone?) and Anastasia. For some reason, stepmother (she needs a name, too) and Drizella are hiding behind the curtain watching where no one out of several hundred people ever sees her, and the prince (when she whisper-shouts "say 'I do!'" to Anastasia) never hears her. That was just weird. And for ultra-weird, there is a resolution that takes advantage of the villain monologue that is just annoying.

Add to this all the wonderfully cheesy dialogue between most of the characters and some mostly forgettable and unnecessary songs, and you get this movie. It was an idea that had so much potential for being awesome, and with four writers, you'd think you'd get something worthwhile, but unfortunately no. You get a series of little more than plot points and a 74 minute film that could have benefited from a little more explanation and characterization.

Now what did go right here was the inclusion of the step-sisters as actual characters and their playing into the plot in a bigger way than the original. In the original, they were all pretty interchangeable and little more than obstacles to overcome. This time, Anastasia gets some serious time and life to her. Drizella is still just a grumpy chick who is avoidable. Granted, it's still not much, but it's a little something.

We've also got some scenes that work very well and are actually well written. The moment between stepmother and Cinderella at the beginning where stepmother smashes the other glass slipper. The priceless moment where prince walks into the room with Anastasia wearing the slipper, stopping with a look of horror, and asking if he were in the right room. That scene has got to be the highlight of this film. It is only followed up with the moment (after a really dumb food fight) where the king and prince show up, look at the trashed room, and the king asks if they're in the right room then too. It shows at least one of these guys can write.

In the end, this is an example of  an idea with some awesome potential go terribly wrong in the execution. All the clever little "what ifs?" from the trailer do play out, but when it's all over, I just shake my head and wish they'd gotten someone better to draw the whole thing up.

Open Season -- 2006 -- PG

What I expected from this film from Sony was another kid flick like Madagascar or Barnyard or The Wild, since this seemed to be Sony's answer to that vein of films. What I actually got was a film that showed some real humor, a bit of intelligence, and just some decent storytelling.

We open with a bear who is living with a park ranger who acts like his mother...and he acts like a child. It's actually amusing. Through a series of misadventures and cleverly constructed dual-meaning scenes, the bear is thrown into the forest and forced to fend for himself. He decides he wants to go back home, and employs the very critter that got him thrown out to begin with to get him back. During their journey (which, of course, takes them no where since the problematic deer has no idea where anything is), he learns how to fend for himself and he ends up facing the real decision as to whether he should stay in the forest or go back to his plush home life of wheel of fortune and indoor plumbing.

Too many times, these talking animal movies are either too human or just too slapstick to be worth watching, but this one maintains a careful balance between the animals behaving like animals, but also acting a little humanistic as well. It creates multiple comedic moments that play out fairly well a lot of the time. The characters themselves were fairly well constructed creating some clear motivations and reasoning behind their activities. The deer got annoying, but I suspect that was his purpose, and he served to up the comedic factor quite a bit at times.

The film moved pretty well throughout and the story arcked very naturally. It was very funny over and over, and I laughed quite a bit throughout. The early scene where the bear and deer have a confrontation behind a backlit curtain was absolutely hilarious. I watched it with the kids and my wife and brother, and we were all just rolling.

Come down to a touchy and sensible ending, and its done. A surprisingly well done animated film in a time when animated films are turning to pure schlock.

Ice Age 2: The Meltdown -- 2006 -- PG

It's another CG animated flick that is all the rage these days. You don't get much cell animation anymore except on TV and even that's rapidly going to CG. What's the gist of this one? Well, it's clearly a kids movie, and not just because it's only PG.

The plot behind this one involves our trio of mammoth, sabretooth tiger, and sloth living in a community of critters near an ice dam. The ice is melting revealing vegetation and that sort of thing, but the real danger is that ice dam. There is water behind it that will cover the entire plains where they live, especially since their environment is a big bowl that will serve to contain the water when the dam goes. So they begin a journey to a large log that will serve as a boat to ride out the flood when it comes, but while everyone else sets right off, our trio gets sidetracked by girl mammoth and her possum "brothers." Hence the romantic subplot as the mammoth believes he is the last of his species, and the discovery of this female introduces the idea that there is hope for repopulation...if he can convince her that she is not a possum.

It's got some decent humor and the characters are fun in their construction. It gets emotional in regards to the mammoth subplot, but that is only a small piece of the larger whole in this one. Some parts of the plot are a bit contrived in order to give the kids a happy ending, but it works for the most part. Of course, we still have the nut-loving Scrat, who provides interludes to the big story as he chases down his one nut, and this time, even factors into the ultimate climax of the story (albeit in a rather cheap way).

The issues in this one are rather numerous and lead to some of the plot contrivances. The main issue I had was with the antagonistic force. As the critters all set out, pieces of the ice dam had fallen into the small lake they used for water. In one of these frozen pieces were two nasty looking carnivorous fish. They were completely encased in ice, but somehow were totally on when they thawed out. In addition, this lake appeared to be walled in where the water had come down over the ice dam, but later, the trio encountered these nasty fish while crossing another frozen body of water. How'd they get there? Then again, where'd this body of water come from?

The final climax, of course, involved the breaking of the dam and the water flooding this encased plain. Given the size of the journey, and the landscape they crossed, there is no way the entire area would flood. One striking feature that would make it impossible was during the vultures' song, it is revealed that the "bowl" has a huge depression where another lake of water flows and looks more like it empties to the ocean. It also has some enormous crevasses where the water would have little hope of overflowing. Basically, given the terrain they crossed and the tense moments this terrain gave us, it would be impossible for this area to totally flood the way it did.

Some other issues are more just me and minor. The constant references to popular music got old very quickly. The vultures' song was very amusing, but since we had been force fed song reference after song reference to this point, it became just one more song thrown in among so many. Another oddity was a direct reference to the dinosaurs. None of these animals would have any memory of the dinosaurs, nor would they be able to comment about the getting sloppy.

It's a cute movie with a feel good flow to it. A lot of silly slapstick comedy, one liners, and toilet humor make the kids laugh while some subtle (and even overt) innuendo gop right over their heads, but they'll still enjoy it despite its implausabilities.