Poseidon -- 2006 -- PG-13

Ok, so we have a disaster movie about a cruise ship that is hit by a freak tidal wave that flips it completely over on it top, leaving only the bottom of the ship exposed on the surface of the ocean. It happens on New Year's Eve so most of the passengers are reveling in either the big ballroom or another dance hall. One of the first things we are told is that once the boat was hit, GPS trackers were launched that will allow rescuers to pinpoint their location and pick them up -- few hours, tops.

From there, we launch into a journey from the bottom of the ship -- first, by a single passenger, and then by a group who want to follow him to get out, against the Captain's reassurance that the room they are in will keep them safe. I'd seen the 1972 version some time ago, so I knew exactly where that ballroom was going, but that's beside the point.

Long story short, their goal was to reach a propeller shaft so they could walk out of the bottom of the ship. Now, just to clarify (and this is not a spoiler, since I never include spoilers [the ballroom thing doesn't count; it should be obvious]), I thought the propeller he was referring to was the propellers at the rear (or stern) of the ship, so imagin my surprise when hit a certain point and announce that they are stuck because the bow in underwater. I'm laughing and saying, "you idiots, you should be heading for the stern." Well, turns out that this ship has some stabilizing propellers in the front of the ship, and THAT'S where they were going. I had no idea...

The film has a decent enough plot with some built in thrills and spills of the passengers working their way through the upside down maze of this behemoth ship to the bottom. Got a fair amount of claustrophobia and such of them working their way through, and not a lot of plot holes to fall into. Those who die are clearly telepgraphed before it happens and most are cliche deaths whose reasons for dying are incredibly obvious. There was an incredibly forced conflict with the kid running off near the end and getting himself trapped somewhere. Seriously, what kid in that situation is going to leave mom? And let's face it, folks. Despite its death in 68, we all know that parts of that 1930 production code are still in full force (in mainstream films), so the kid's fate is also incredibly obvious as is the ending.

The breakdown in this film is a very common breakdown in a lot of modern films...can you guess? Character. Introducing nearly a dozen characters and then developing them in a two hour film is a difficult thing to do, but this film wasn't two hours long. It only ran 90 minutes and then 10 minutes of credits (because they were a large font, double spaced -- I joked that if this were a Spielberg film, you couldn't read anyone's name with zoom, but here, everyone's was clearly visible -- anyway...). This means they actually had a half hour of time that could have been used to let the audience connect with these people. Give us a little of their personality, history, hopes, dreams, desires, goals, problems, issues, or something more than a bunch of nameless people trying to get out of a sinking ship. We got a little of some of them, but a lot of the actions were cliches and didn't set them apart from anyone else in the world. There was an incredible opportunity for development between Dreyfuss' character and the girl who stowed away, but it was blown off (I was even expecting it, and it never happened).

What it seems is that there was too much pressure to keep the plot going and character was left by the wayside. This is unfortunate in films like this since a quick study of the best of the best reveals that what makes them great is not the plot (because some of the best films in the world have a simple plot), but it's the character inside them. This film could have been much better, but it abandoned the most important part of the film in favor of getting through it. It has no real rewatchability to learn more about the people inside.

And finally...there was a raft waiting for those who made it out...with oars. I just shook my head and rolled my eyes. That has got to be the sickest coincidence I've ever seen. That's not a spoiler...that's just awful.